Almost all of my friends are either:
- married
- married with children
- divorced
- divorced with children
- or unmarried with child(ren)
I am the youngest of 5 in my family and by the age of 37 my sister and all 3 of my brothers were:
- married
- and had at least one baby
My siblings have created 11 children total and have had 5 marriages and 2 divorces.
That accounts for more than 5 weddings, 5 engagement parties, 5 bachelorette/bachelor parties, and well over 11 baby showers.
I have been in 8 weddings:
- A flower girl in my brother Dave's wedding
- a bride’s maid in my sister Marcy's wedding
- a maid of honor in my best friend Steph's wedding
- and a bride's maid in Katie's, Misty's, Jenna's, Karen's, and Jen's wedding
I sang at my brother Dave's second wedding and at Steph's, Katies, Jen's, and Christine's wedding.
I gave a reading at my brother Troy's wedding. "Love is patient, Love is kind"...blah blah
I threw a bridal shower and bachelorette party for both Steph and Karen.
I threw a baby shower for Laurel.
Combined, I think I've been to 30+ weddings, engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette parties and baby showers.
I figure I've spent well over 15K on all these excursions, yet here I am in my late 30s and am still waiting for all those good deeds I did for everyone else to boomerang. At this point I'm thinkin' that's probably not going to happen and honestly I'm ok with that.
What I'm not ok with is the fact that I'm missing out on a lot of great parties and gifts in my honor.
Forget the man, forget the baby.. I want my registry!!
By this point in my life I should have already received a crap load of money from my parents for:
- a wedding
- a down payment on a house
- and at least a kick ass baby stroller or something
Where are my 3 bridal showers, engagement party, bachelorette party, wedding, honeymoon, 3 baby showers per kid, divorce, second engagement party, second bachelorette party, second wedding and second honeymoon? Why don't I get a bridal shower registry, a wedding registry and a baby shower registry?Where is that amazing piece of jewelry that's supposed to go on my left ring finger?And where is that other amazing piece of jewelry that the father of my child is supposed to give me during my pregnancy that's better known as a "birthing gift"?
I'll be honest, I'm probably never going to have kids, and as far as meeting the love of my life, that could happen, but at this rate, it's probably not going to happen for another 10 years. I'll be a 47 year old bride who can pay for her own damn wedding.
So what I'm looking for now is all that cool stuff that everybody else got.
Your comments would be appreciated.
A 20k party with fabulous gifts and a paid vacation to somewhere tropical would be even more appreciated.
Looking forward to the future.
So in essence: Stuff the flouncy dress you wear once, dump the man who has the manners of a flatulent hog, forget the screaming crying thingy at 3am and "JUST SEND ME MONEY!"
ReplyDeleteI have a third business called "rent a groom". You go through the whole process of getting married, but there is no registry signing. He leaves, you get the goods and no headaches or stretch marks. It's been a big success in LA with the likes of Hello magazine paying tens of thousands for exclusive rights to the wedding photos.
Oh, my second business was the "Cat library" where you could take out a cat for 2 weeks and then bring it back for a different one. The cats either came back fat or really skinny with fleas. The other thing is people kept calling in to renew the cats, so there are no more to loan out. I must admit, not as good a business model as the "rent a groom". Perhaps I will look into cat farming.
Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you like my article! Good luck with the Cat business!
ReplyDeleteOh, wow, that's pretty terrible! But I know you're joking so it's pretty hilarious. I must say, that love and a relationship should always precede marriage so the spoils you seek could be years away. Hang in there though. Some day your prince will happen upon his princess and then shortly thereafter, you will receive 50% of what you registered for and incomplete sets of dishes, your parents will be broke and your wedding will put you in debt for five years. Happy love hunting!
ReplyDeleteOh, and if you don't find love you will be writing this blog at 40 and it will probably involve man-hating and dissertations about the decaying art of chivalry and the death of romance in the world. I turn 40 this year and my blog is gonna be FILLED with that kind of crap!
ReplyDeleteThat will be exciting. Can't wait to read that. Probably as riveting as my "cat farming instruction manual".
ReplyDeleteKevin - you have a blog? Where can I find it? When's your 40th? Also, I'd love to read your 40 year old man hating rants! :)
ReplyDeleteOh, T... You are such a sweet, beautiful girl! I'm sure there's someone special out there for you! Perhaps you just need to alter your expectations a bit - maybe look in a different place?? Sometimes the perfect thing for you isn't what you've been looking for! Chin up!!! :)
ReplyDeleteTeresa,
ReplyDeleteI prayed and prayed from the time I was 5 to be a Big Star...and God having the sense of humor he has...allowed me the opportunity to get knocked up by a man with the last name Starr... I got really BIG during the pregnancy, and began the trapping process ;) We are now married with 4 beautiful little miracles and I am the BIG STARR I always longed to be :) I call myself the TRAPPING COUGAR....and I trapped a good one :) Every month I put on a really big show...get my inner monologue out....my husband calls it PMS...Life is great :0) I have been blessed...God knew what I needed much more than I. Heck I can't decide between Taco Bell or McDonalds...I never could have decided to settle down, or get married...but it all worked out...I feel so lucky...very blessed...and YOU, Theresa Finamore are going to get that registery...Did I mention that the way I went about things...I was too insecure to go register...so a friend did it for me....and when Marty and I got married...I got so much crap because our registery was ONE wine cup...It was a beautiful display...obviously we got side tracked somehow...but what is new. We did get a two for one...we had our 8 month old baby girl,Ryan, babtized during our ceremony....she stole the show. You are one heck of a lady Theresa...thanks for sharing and thanks for the smiles :) God Bless.
How is that for babbling? Sorry :)
Brandy Starr (Brown)
So you've given up on men and have moved onto giraffes? Not an awful idea!
ReplyDelete