Friday, April 26, 2013

They are going to find out that I’m a fraud

Sacramento Music Circus (despite its strange name) is one of the most esteemed regional theatres in the United States. Every year they hold auditions in multiple cities.  Basically, it’s a bitch to cast in one of their shows.

After 7 years of auditioning for them, I FINALLY got cast. I felt like a celebrity shortly after being offered the role. People started buzzing that I got it and I received a lot of hugs and congratulations from my fellow actors who stood in those long audition lines with me, day after day. 

When the artistic director called me to offer me the role he said, “Theresa, you were the ONE person I picked out of 2000 people.” 

 Despite that huge compliment, I was nervous as HELL in Sacramento. I had one week to learn an entire show, and I was clean outta practice in the professional theatre world. I spent the past 7 years auditioning, not actually WORKING! I felt out of place in a world I had been trying to break in to. 

As I was commiserating with one of my cast mates about my insecurities, he said to me, “Oh believe me. I’m scared too! I’m wondering when the director is going to realize that I’m a fraud.”  

I realized that I too thought I was a fraud.

Fast forward 6 years and I’m now working in a high rise office, on the verge of being laid off because my new boss does not feel that I am qualified for my new position.  I was hired before she got here. 

She gave me my 90-day review and basically told me that I’m not up to par. We are to reconvene for a 30 day review at the end of May. Oh, I’m sooooo getting laid off, but that's ok. I don't like the corporate life anyways.

I am a Corporate Girl fraud and they found out. 

Look, I tried like hell to quit acting and get a grown up job.  I thought I could convince myself that I’d have fun playing the part of Corporate Girl.

  • I bought a suit at Macy’s (my costume)
  • I interviewed for this position (my audition)
  • They asked me for a second interview (my call-back)
  • They offered me the job (I got the part!)

What I am not – An Actor Fraud.

I have been performing and studying this art form my entire life. I have a legitimate degree in Performing Arts. I have been hired to perform on stage, in films, in commercials. I’ve been selected to sing on recordings and etc. I’ve even been asked to teach this craft.  I am a professional, despite the fact that it’s difficult to make a living at it.

I realize now that I was not a fraud in Sacramento. I EARNED that role and I deserved it.

Mom and Dad visiting me in my dressing room


  1. I think it can be scary to accept what God had in mind for you all along, especially if it seems to not be the norm in our society. You were trying to be what other thought you should be (and you started owning that thought as your own) instead looking to God for wisdom and strength to show the real you to the world which is often scarier than playing the part you've been told by the world to play because it makes us feel more vulnerable and transparent. Ultimately though, when we finally own it 100%, I think it makes us feel empowered, strong and courageous. Be courageous my dear friend. Live the life God wants to you to.

    Jesus says that following Him is going to be great, but He never said it was going to be easy. Run the race you were meant to race. I love you!

  2. Jen - wow! I'm crying over your words! I will read your response over and over again because it's the TRUTH! Inspiring. I love you