Thank God for Judy Ford’s
book, “Single: The Art of Being
Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent” and her eye-opening question that I
became best friends with the other night…
If
you looked into a crystal ball and found out that you'd be single forever, what
would you do?
WOAH! My whole world
suddenly opened up.
My Answers:
My Answers:
- I’d stop worrying.
- I’d stop looking.
- I’d stop waiting.
- I’d stop wasting my time dating jerks who don’t care about me.
- I’d start investing more in my own happiness.
- I’d start taking more advantage of my independence.
- I’d become more a part of my family’s and friend’s lives to cultivate those relationships.
- I’d branch out from my job and find something more fulfilling.
- I’d volunteer and become more a part of my community.
- I spend more time having fun and being free, and spend less time wondering when it’s going to be my turn to walk down the aisle.
Whew! What
a relief THAT would be. I said to myself.... hey wait a sec! Shouldn’t I already be living my life weightless like
that?
A few of my friends say that they would:
 | |||
| Tumbleweed House |
- Buy more books
- Have a baby via sperm donor with excellent genes
- Travel
- Build a tumbleweed house and be a nomad
- Have lots of sex
- Smash the crystal ball with a baseball bat
- Buy tons of sex toys
- Volunteer
- Be a mentor
- Kiss as many cute guys as possible
- Enjoy the freedom
- Take the time for personal growth
Can’t you do all those things anyways?
One friend said he wouldn't be the least
bit surprised, and not even a little disappointed. This I love.
Isn't it funny how some of us hold on to inanimate objects that supposedly comfort us or remind us of some place in our memory that is warm and safe?
Since Mark's death, I have carried
around the perfect skipping stone that he once found and gave to me.
This rock accompanied me when I moved to LA, New York, then back to California, it lived in many nightstands, medicine cabinets, glove compartments and now resides in my makeup carrier
which I use every day. For 16 years I’ve been taking a little piece of him where
ever I go. I realize now that this stone has held me back. It symbolizes all of my life’s pain, fear,
loneliness, rejection, anger and insecurities. It’s easy for me to keep believing
in all these negative ideas about myself when I have had something tangible as
a reminder.
I have already set Mark free, but I now realize that I have been bound by the tragedy of his passing and the trauma I went through (see my past posts if you are unaware of the saga), and this stone has been keeping that door wide open.
It's time to close the door and rejoice the beautiful truth about myself and take a step
forward into a world of fearlessness and love, where I finally understand that
I am kick ass, smart, and cherished; a world where I belong in my friendships, and
where it’s OK to be angry and it's OK to set myself free.
I'm gonna skip the rock.
I'm gonna skip the rock.
Skip that stone, hottie. You rock. Yikes - no pun. Well, maybe I DID mean that pun. Anyway, skip the shit out of that stone, leh!!!
ReplyDeleteHaha!!! Love you Laurel!!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I thought everybody tried to kiss as many cute members of the opposite sex/have as much sex as possible when single.
ReplyDeleteMind you, I think I have more sex in relationships, generally...
This post brought to you by my girlfriend's move back into her house after 8 months of boarding houses and staying with friends.
Seth!
DeleteVery funny and very true!
Thank you for reading and commenting!
I LOVE this post. My first response was, "Well, if a crystal ball told me that I'd be single forever- I'd continue on as I am." I'm having the time of my life right now. However, it took some soul-searching, maturity, and some heartache to get here. I'm about to turn 40 and something weird happened in the last year. I started second guessing myself like never before. Did I let Mr. Right get away? Should I have settled? Could I have a child on my own if I don't find a partner? It's a milestone and inevitably you can't help but ask yourself if you're where you want to be. While I had a few months there where all of these thoughts swirled in my head and caused some angst, in the long run I'm happy I was forced to ask myself those questions, reflect, and thankfully- come out on the other side. I'm more convinced than ever that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be- single, dating and happy nurturing the relationships I want to nurture and grow with. And, I'm free to go wherever and whenever I want. And, if and only if I want and can provide the best life I can for another human being- maybe I'll adopt. In some cosmic, awesome way, your blog confirmed this for me. Excellent timing Theresa- thank you! I've never had that burning desire to have a child or get married. I also owe my Mom a big shout out and "thank you" for never pressuring me to do either. However, not everyone is like me and this definitely stirs up some thoughts on how we can promote the courage and mindset to believe and know that you don't need a child or a partner to feel whole or validated. It's fascinating for me to hear some friends discuss their feelings on the subject and it breaks my heart to know I have friends who feel inadequate because they don't have a child or partner. Not many, but some. I also have friends who are married, have children and are as happy as they can be. But,this got me thinking that we need to encourage others and be brave enough to stand up for our choices and not fear the road ahead. Your blog is a start and I think we've come a long way (baby!)but we obviously still have work to do if there are books devoted to the subject. I've finally learned how to handle and not resent the comments I get from the inevitable little old lady at the Bat Mitzvah or Christening that asks me why I'm not married and with child. It never fails. I always get- "You need to find a nice man" and my response now is to quote (and take liberty with) Joe Pesci in one of the best scenes in Goodfellas when his mom tells him the same thing-"I find a good man almost every night." This response brings me a lot of joy now. And, seeing the look on their faces is priceless.
ReplyDeleteDebbie: My acting teacher told me about a student who said to her, “Once I get my career going, remodel my apartment and find my soul mate, THEN I can start living my life”. She said to him, “You’re 80 years old! What have you been doing all these years?”
ReplyDeleteYou and I are going to have an awesome time in Cancun, we'll drink our inclusive drinks from our white trash kettle kegs while philosophizing on our fabulous single lives, we'll celebrate your 40th, and you'll take photos of me skipping my rock into the Caribbean Sea!
Love you friend!!! Thanks for reading and posting. I'm glad my words inspired you!
Wow...Theresa-what a liberating read! What a beautiful gesture to skip that stone in the caribbean and set yourself fully free-not "forgetting" the past, but taking the chains off of yourself that don't allow a future...very brave my friend.
ReplyDeleteDeb-loved your comment as well...Yes, the two of you hot chicks have an awesome time in Mexico-celebrating your fabulous selves that do not need to be "defined" by any type of social pressure to find your soulmate...ha....trust me, I know ALOT of people with husbands and kids who are MISERABLE...(proven by the extremely high divorce rate in our country).and who would be so envious of this opportunity of a soul searching journey of happiness and inner peace and fullfillment. You go girls!!! Love you tee!!!
Thanks Elissa!!
ReplyDeleteStay single with us!! It's a beautiful journey and we'll all move in together when we are old and grey. FYI I'm allergic to cats.