Last week my friend Deb and I took a trip to an all inclusive resort to celebrate her 40th Birthday. What a fitting place to skip the rock, since, if my memory serves me correctly, it was Mexico where Mark found that very rock.
While I was there, I decided to let go of one other thing that I carried around with me since Mark's death - a piece of pottery he had made in a ceramics class. What's funny is that letting go of that pot was more sentimental for me than releasing the rock.
Deb and I were at the Dolphin Bar (which was a little hut with swings for bar stools) where people could write on a shell with a marker and have it placed on the back wall of the bar.
I grabbed a marker and wrote on the ceramic pot "Rest In Peace Mark". The bartender put it up nice and high.
"How long will it stay up there?" I asked.
"Forever."
Then he made us some colorful shots and we cheered to my entire journey of finally setting all this sadness free!
My last day in Cancun was beautiful. Deb had an earlier flight than I did, so I had a few hours to kill. I took a walk out to the water, reflected on my life and how far I've come. I thanked God for all the strength I've been given and I said one last good bye to the old cobwebs wrapped around my heart. I didn't skip the rock into the waves, I just threw it as high and as far as I could, out into the beautiful warm sea!
Then I spent a few hours swinging in a hammock, already enjoying my new found freedom.
I love you and am so proud of you, my butterfly girl. And I know that Mark is, too. I can't wait to give you the biggest hug in the world!!!
ReplyDeleteI love you too, my friend!! Lets go out for our cupcake lunch soon!! Miss you
ReplyDeleteCongrats Fin. You must feel like such a weight has been lifted. :)
ReplyDeleteLove beautiful you and your beautiful story...
ReplyDeleteSpeechless. Crying. This took my breath away.....
ReplyDeleteThank you Mel!!! I truly am so much happier these days. Takes a long time to figure things out I guess :)
DeleteYou're damn right it does. Coming across this blog entry was unexpected, but what was even more, I dunno, I guess emotionally shocking (to my system at least) was reading backwards in time through your earlier entries...when you first met....how you called each other "baber" (I so remember that)....your recollection of that day in history....April 1996....our conversation....the day of the funeral....and what did it for me were the beautiful pictures of him. I was really reminded of how Ive subconsciously avoided looking at so many photos over the past 16 years. When I scrolled down on the page that first one by the blue bug hit me like a ton of bricks. What can I say? Its all just BEYOND fucked up, however, he would be completely pissed if we didn't live our lives to the fullest. I soooo know he would want that for you....for my parents, for me, and for YOU!
DeleteMel, I wasn't sure if you'd ever stumble upon my blog and read those stories, and I've been apprehensive in forwarding them to you too. I just wasn't sure how you'd react. Life SUCKS sometimes, and this part of it, losing Mark, hopefully is the worst thing we will ever have to endure. It's been a very hard road for me, so I can imagine it has been rough for you as well. You think time can heal things, but it doesn't... time just keeps ticking while we remain sad. I hope my blog has given you some peace :) You'll be the first to know when the children's book is done. will you private message me your mailing address so i can send you a few copies?
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