Video Store Sad Girl

(First written in May 2011. I'm very much over this guy now, but I wanted to post this story anyway)

My face has become all too familiar to the guys at the local video store and what’s worse is that I’m usually there on the weekends.

If you were the clerk ringing up the cute, and obviously sad, girl renting Blue Valentine and saying “If there’s a guy’s name on my account, will you please take him off?” What would you think?
Girl broke up with boyfriend and now she’s alone, renting movies. 
Bingo! 

Recently she’s been renting more than one movie.The Fighter AND Winters Bone on a Friday night. Alert, alert. Girl is hunkering down this weekend with a batch of intense rentals. What is going on with her? Where are her friends? Why isn’t she dating? And why is she wearing that same bandanna on her head again?

Is love even out there for me or did I miss the boat entirely? My parents are unconsciously blatant about it as well.

Perhaps this is why I am "Video Store Sad Girl": On our way to my goddaughter’s baptism (the closest I’ve gotten to having my own children), my Mom fondly looked over to my Dad and said “Oh Al, our LAST grandchild. Our LAST baptism.  Ohh! This is it!”  From the back seat I meekly said “Um, hello??? I’m still fertile back here.”

It only took two days of quality time with my married friends, their children, my family and all of their children, and my best friend’s daughter’s birthday party where I was the only person there who was single and childless, to break down and bawl hysterically in solitude.

One of the moms came up to me and said, "You are SO BRAVE to come to this party!". I think she was referring to the over sugared/hyper children who could be potentially annoying to someone like me, but what I heard was, "You are SO BRAVE to come to this party given the fact that you are yearning for children and a husband of your own. Doesn't it just kill you to see all this love and not be a part of it?" Man, I was on the verge of tears. Then a friend of mine distracted me with, "I just love reading all about your fabulous life on Facebook! I wish I was still single and free!"

To mend my Video Store Sad Girl heart, I opened up my Facebook Notes and referred to my article "On this Side of the Fence", which did me little good. I was unconsoleable.

Maybe it was a bad weekend to be spending most of my time with children. I'm nearing the end of my fertility, at the apex of my sexual prime and my biological alarm clock is screaming in my face. Shit, 7 years ago my Gynecologist looked up through my legs, while in the midst of my yearly exam, and told me to hurry up and start having babies before it's too late.

Note to self: Stay far away from adorable children when ovulating.
Other Note to self: Return videos.

 

That's Winter, my Goddaughter, my parent's LAST grandchild.