They are going to find out that I’m a fraud

Sacramento Music Circus (despite its strange name) is one of the most esteemed regional theatres in the United States. Every year they hold auditions in multiple cities.  Basically, it’s a bitch to cast in one of their shows.

After 7 years of auditioning for them, I FINALLY got cast. I felt like a celebrity shortly after being offered the role. People started buzzing that I got it and I received a lot of hugs and congratulations from my fellow actors who stood in those long audition lines with me, day after day. 

When the artistic director called me to offer me the role he said, “Theresa, you were the ONE person I picked out of 2000 people.” 

 Despite that huge compliment, I was nervous as HELL in Sacramento. I had one week to learn an entire show, and I was clean outta practice in the professional theatre world. I spent the past 7 years auditioning, not actually WORKING! I felt out of place in a world I had been trying to break in to. 

As I was commiserating with one of my cast mates about my insecurities, he said to me, “Oh believe me. I’m scared too! I’m wondering when the director is going to realize that I’m a fraud.”  

I realized that I too thought I was a fraud.

Fast forward 6 years and I’m now working in a high rise office, on the verge of being laid off because my new boss does not feel that I am qualified for my new position.  I was hired before she got here. 

She gave me my 90-day review and basically told me that I’m not up to par. We are to reconvene for a 30 day review at the end of May. Oh, I’m sooooo getting laid off, but that's ok. I don't like the corporate life anyways.

I am a Corporate Girl fraud and they found out. 

Look, I tried like hell to quit acting and get a grown up job.  I thought I could convince myself that I’d have fun playing the part of Corporate Girl.

• I bought a suit at Macy’s (my costume)
• I interviewed for this position (my audition)
• They asked me for a second interview (my call-back)
• They offered me the job (I got the part!)

What I am not – An Actor Fraud.

I have been performing and studying this art form my entire life. I have a legitimate degree in Performing Arts. I have been hired to perform on stage, in films, in commercials. I’ve been selected to sing on recordings and etc. I’ve even been asked to teach this craft.  I am a professional, despite the fact that it’s difficult to make a living at it.

I realize now that I was not a fraud in Sacramento. I EARNED that role and I deserved it.

Mom and Dad visiting me in my dressing room

I Finally Figured Out What I’ve Known All Along

Big News…I’m an actor! 

And I just figured this out?

While earning my degree in Performing Arts, pursuing an acting career in LA and NYC, and doing show after show, I spent a majority of those 20 years convincing myself that I was NOT an actor. As I was waiting for my life to begin, I:

• studied acting
• fine-tuned my singing voice
• went to dance classes
• auditioned
• begged agents to represent me
• banged on the Broadway stage doors to drop off my demo cd to the music directors

I did:

• gorilla theatre
• community theatre
• fringe shows
• regional shows
• wrote and performed in my own cabarets
• I even directed a play
• sang in musical theatre workshops
• sang on recordings
• landed a major recording – The Stephen Sondheim Album
• shared the stage with Deborah Gibson and Elaine Stritch in a musical

… But all the while, I was NOT an actor. 

I was a:

• nanny
• babysitter
• administrative assistant
• temp
• waitress
• cater waiter
• assistant stage manager
• senior marketing coordinator

Yet I was NEVER an actor.

I grew tired of being the stereotypical struggling artist. I was done putting my life on hold for the day I would land that one big role that would jumpstart my career and make me a REAL actor. So I tore up my Equity card, left NYC and all of my dreams, and I moved back to Cali to get a “real life”.  

 

Well, I have that real life now. I landed a “real” job (Senior Marketing Coordinator) and I’m no longer that struggling actor because I’m not doing shows anymore. I finally got my “real life” that I wanted.

But why have I been so depressed lately?

Andrew, my beloved and handsome boyfriend, noticed my gloom and doom and so wisely said to me “You need to do a show”. 

• Hell NO!
• I don’t need to do that stilly acting stuff anymore!
• Hum…I’ve been in a 2 year dry spell. No shows since 2011.
• Maybe he’s right?

Then all of the sudden the clouds parted. I had an epiphany.

I figured out what I have known all along. 

I AM an actor. 

• I need the stage
• I need that license to act goofy without any judgments
• I need to express myself through acting and singing

 

If I don’t, my light grows dim.  

"Wait Until Dark" Newport Theatre Arts Center

I actually AM an actor, and I have been an actor this whole time! 

And what a better situation than to have a full time job that I actually like, and have the flexibility to do shows on the weekends. 

Rediscovery is bliss.

Hello to the New Me who I’ve always been!

Come see me play my dream role, Audrey, in Little Shop of Horrors at Long Beach Playhouse!