I Skipped the Rock, and Other Things

The Skipping Rock is now somewhere underneath the waves of Cancun Mexico!

Last week my friend Deb and I took a trip to an all inclusive resort to celebrate her 40th Birthday.  What a fitting place to skip the rock, since, if my memory serves me correctly, it was Mexico where Mark found that very rock.

While I was there, I decided to let go of one other thing that I carried around with me since Mark's death - a piece of pottery he had made in a ceramics class. What's funny is that letting go of that pot was more sentimental for me than releasing the rock. 

Deb and I were at the Dolphin Bar (which was a little hut with swings for bar stools) where people could write on a shell with a marker and have it placed on the back wall of the bar.

 I grabbed a marker and wrote on the ceramic pot "Rest In Peace Mark". The bartender put it up nice and high.

"How long will it stay up there?" I asked.

"Forever."

Then he made us some colorful shots and we cheered to my entire journey of finally setting all this sadness free!

My last day in Cancun was beautiful. Deb had an earlier flight than I did, so I had a few hours to kill. I took a walk out to the water, reflected on my life and how far I've come. I thanked God for all the strength I've been given and I said one last good bye to the old cobwebs wrapped around my heart. I didn't skip the rock into the waves, I just threw it as high and as far as I could, out into the beautiful warm sea!

 Then I spent a few hours swinging in a hammock, already enjoying my new found freedom.

The Skipping Rock

Thank God for Judy Ford’s book, “Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent” and her eye-opening question that I became best friends with the other night…

If you looked into a crystal ball and found out that you'd be single forever, what would you do?

WOAH! My whole world suddenly opened up.
My Answers:

• I’d stop worrying.  
• I’d stop looking.
• I’d stop waiting.
• I’d stop wasting my time dating jerks who don’t care about me.
• I’d start investing more in my own happiness.
• I’d start taking more advantage of my independence.
• I’d become more a part of my family’s and friend’s lives to cultivate those relationships.
• I’d branch out from my job and find something more fulfilling.
• I’d volunteer and become more a part of my community.
• I spend more time having fun and being free, and spend less time wondering when it’s going to be my turn to walk down the aisle.

Whew! What a relief THAT would be. I said to myself.... hey wait a sec! Shouldn’t I already be living my life weightless like that? 

A few of my friends say that they would:

Tumbleweed House

 

 
• Buy more books
• Have a baby via sperm donor with excellent genes
• Travel
• Build a tumbleweed house and be a nomad
• Have lots of sex
• Smash the crystal ball with a baseball bat
• Buy tons of sex toys
• Volunteer
• Be a mentor
• Kiss as many cute guys as possible
• Enjoy the freedom
• Take the time for personal growth
 

Can’t you do all those things anyways? 

One friend said he wouldn't be the least bit surprised, and not even a little disappointed. This I love. 

Isn't it funny how some of us hold on to inanimate objects that supposedly comfort us or remind us of some place in our memory that is warm and safe? 

Since Mark's death, I have carried around the perfect skipping stone that he once found and gave to me. 

This rock accompanied me when I moved to LA, New York, then back to California, it lived in many nightstands, medicine cabinets, glove compartments and now resides in my makeup carrier which I use every day. For 16 years I’ve been taking a little piece of him where ever I go. I realize now that this stone has held me back.  It symbolizes all of my life’s pain, fear, loneliness, rejection, anger and insecurities. It’s easy for me to keep believing in all these negative ideas about myself when I have had something tangible as a reminder.  

I have already set Mark free, but I now realize that I have been bound by the tragedy of his passing and the trauma I went through (see my past posts if you are unaware of the saga), and this stone has been keeping that door wide open.

It's time to close the door and rejoice the beautiful truth about myself and take a step forward into a world of fearlessness and love, where I finally understand that I am kick ass, smart, and cherished; a world where I belong in my friendships, and where it’s OK to be angry and it's OK to set myself free.

I'm gonna skip the rock.