Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Part V: Is It Better To Have Loved And Lost Than To Never Have Loved At All?


How do you quantify the saddest time in your life to a beautiful lesson?
  • If I never had to deal with ____, I would not have ended up doing ___.
How do you justify life’s curve balls?
  • If ___ never happened, I wouldn’t have ended up meeting ___.
You can’t.

I knew a person who drove himself manic trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together after his friend died in a car accident. He thought he could figure out God’s reason for taking his friend and he came up with a pretty convincing revelation, but while he was passionately linking the chain of events together and professing that he knew God’s secret, I couldn’t help but want to shake him and remind him that we all die at some point – young or old – we are humble humans with an anonymous expiration date.

It’s not an easy thing to let someone go. Believe me… but in my opinion, there is no rhyme or reason to why anything happens. There is no cause and effect answer button that will relieve you of your pain by explaining that it was all for the best. 

If Mark had never died, I believe I still would have ended up right where I am today. Perhaps I would have traveled on a different route, but if it wasn’t Mark’s dying that forced me into therapy, self-discovery and healing from other painful things in my life, it would have been something or someone else.  

I will never be able to find happiness in Marks passing. I miss him.
He was wonderful. 

So, IS it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?

Absolutely!

 I would have never known what it is like to be in mad, crazy, infatuated, immature love. For all of my pain and sadness, I will never trade that blessing.

While his heart beat, Mark taught me how to love, how to have fun, how to be silly and care free, how to not give a shit what people think; and as he lay sprinkled by the earth and mounds of sunflowers and sad goodbyes, he teaches me to be strong, to keep moving forward with ambition and joy, to remember that life is short and to spend my precious time doing what brings me happiness and sharing that time with the people I love. 

Mark gave me a broad perspective on life, which in turn has grounded me and given me genuine peace.




Coming soon... "What David Taught Me" - a children's book dedicated to Mark!